Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Moms Are Like Onions...We Have Layers


Yes, moms and ogres are like onions....we all have layers. Today I am peeling back a layer that I don't always let show. I want to do this so that you can get to know the "real" me.....the deep down nitty gritty me. I so enjoy getting to know all of you. I have made some amazing friends through blogging and met so many inspiring women. Today I want to share with you a piece of my heart.



6 years ago I had a baby boy named Noah. He came smack dab in the middle of my two oldest boys and my little girls. We found out when I was 20 weeks pregnant with him that he had a condition called Trisomy 18. Babies with this chromosomal abnormality cannot "sustain life". They told us he might live an hour,a day, or a month.....there was really no way to tell. But we knew he would not be with us very long in this life. My precious angel Noah was born to heaven at 27 weeks, weighing a mere 1 pound 3 ounces and measuring 11 inches long. He was perfect. My boys never got a chance to see or hold their baby brother. Yet, from that day on they talked about him every.single.day. They prayed for him every.single.day. And they kept this mama sane every.single.day. They were 5 and 3 at the time, and they were my rocks of strength. They were the reason I got out of bed in the morning and kept plodding along. I am so grateful for their example of faith, and love, and knowledge that we didn't need to be sad....because this is not the end....we will be with Noah again one day! I am blessed beyond measure. I have a beautifully flawed life that I would not trade for anything on this earth.




For the last 6 years I have kept all of Noah's mementos in a tiny blue box hidden away where only I could see it. I did not do this because I'm ashamed or embarrassed. I think I did it out of self-preservation. I purchased a shadowbox years ago to put all of these things in, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so afraid that if I brought it all out and went down that road that I might never come back. The tears may never stop. Well, I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden I was ready. I got the shadowbox down from the top of my closet and quickly set to work. When my boys came in the room to see what I was doing, they were so excited and so was I! No tears....just love and joy and pride. I want to display these priceless memories where I can see them all the time, and we can be reminded of Noah every single day. I want my girls to know him and love him like my boys do. I want his life to be remembered and honored....not hidden away in a tiny blue box.






Thanks for letting me share my sweet baby Noah with you.....it means a lot to me. I am so blessed to have him as my son. He truly is this family's greatest blessing. And I look forward to the day when I can hold him in my arms again and kiss his sweet face!




74 comments:

carlisle clan conversation... said...

What a gift to share a piece of your heart! Thank you for sharing Noah with us.

Popcorn Served Daily said...

Amanda,
A very touching story that really hits home. I too, have a similar story yet I have not been able to bring out the momentos quite yet. It's comforting to know somebody else has a similar story. I'm very happy for you and maybe someday I'll be at the same place you came to today.

Lisa

Connie said...

What a beautiful display. Priceless! You are so blessed in knowing that you will one day have the opportunity to raise your sweet Noah, to hug him and kiss him again. My thoughts are with you.

Kimberly said...

Amanda -
You've brought tears to my eyes! Your story is so bittersweet, and so inspiring too. I can't begin to imagine what it feels like and I won't belittle your experience by saying I understand. But I just wanted you to know that I think your faith and testimony are amazing. What comfort we can have from our knowledge of what comes after this life! Thanks for sharing. Your shadow box looks perfect! I'm very happy for you that you were able to get it out and put it all together.
blessings ~

The Mason Bunch said...

Such a touching story and I'm sure not a very easy one to write down for strangers to read. I appreciate you sharing it with me. I don't really understand why God allows things like this to happen, but he knows what's best. I can't imagine what you might be going through, but God blesses us even through the difficult times. I know you sharing your testimony to the world will touch someone right now that is currently going through what happened to you 6 years ago. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Rafahi Family said...

Oh thank you for sharing that. My heart is so full for the love you have for your little boy. And I am happy thinking about the day when you get to see him again and hold him. :-)

joanne said...

what a beautiful way to honor your precious treasure. My heart goes out to you and in some ways it too understands. A lost baby boy has been more than this family could bear. Blessings to you and yours.

Mai said...

Thank you for sharing this precious detail of your life! The display is amazing, a true testimony to a little darlings life.
All the best for you and your family, all seven of you :)

Sarah said...

You've made me cry. My brother had a baby born with trisomy 18 and he lived for about a month. It was a heart wrenching situation and I could not imagine anything more difficult than what I saw them go through.

I am in awe of your strength.

the thrifty ba said...

you are a brave strong mommy. im proud of you!

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

My best friend's 4th (out of five) baby was also born with Trisomy 18 and lived a mere 3 days. She was beautiful and sweet and we all miss her every day even three years later. Thank you for bravely sharing your story..other mama's of angel babies will be blessed by your honesty!

mle said...

Thank you for sharing that difficult time in your life. What a beautiful tribute to Noah! I'm glad you came to a place where you were ready to assemble that beautiful shadowbox and display your treasured moments with your angel!! continued blessings

Amanda and William said...

What a great reason to choose the right everyday- To be with him again. Love yall.

AndreaLeigh said...

Thank you for sharing, Amanda! Noah is blessed to have you as a Mommy.

leelea said...

This story warms my heart!!! It shows that you are human and have feelings!!!! I comend you for your bravery!!!! Such a great way to honor Noah!!!! Thanks for sharing this story!!!!

Kari said...

Thank you so much for sharing. Your story brought sweet tears to my eyes. Thank you for being honest and real!

The Wonderful World of Wampler said...

What an amazing mother you must be....to know our Father in Heaven trusted you to be the mother of such a sweet little angle. :)

I love the shadowbox. What an amazing way to preserve Noah's special life.

Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing such a personal part of your life.

((HUGS))

angie128 said...

No words...

{{HUG}}

SarahJarnagin said...

Thank you for sharing your story. What a precious baby boy. With my pregnancy with Miss T, there were several concerns and after the appointments with specialists, the dr. said there was still the possibility of Tri 18. Talk about scary. Your display is beautiful!

Nadir @ Hodgepodge said...

Oh Amanda what a sweet & touching story. I miscarried a baby in 2004 around my 15th week of pregnancy. It took me a looooooooooong while to be able to even think about that event w/out sobbing uncontrolably but God healed my heart & helped me bear my grief & move on. It was one of the most precious times in my life & it's so nice to know that we're not alone. God bless you & your beautiful family. :-)

Sarah @ Thrifty Decor Chick said...

Amanda, how absolutely lovely. I had no idea -- thank you for sharing this with us!! What a precious angel and an amazing gift. Love you girl!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Thank you for sharing from your heart, Amanda! I know there are a bunch of women out there who read this and were encouraged. So glad you are honoring Noah's life in this neat way. :) Hugs!!

Richella said...

The burdens we carry, never ready to share them. . . we all do it, of course. But most people's are not quite so hard to bear as this one. Bless you. I've experienced a good deal of pain in various ways, but I've always read that the pain of losing a child is the worst. It makes me so excited for you to think that the worst of the pain is past. The fact that you are able to have a tangible reminder of Noah right out in the open is a wonderful thing--a sign that the pain of losing him is now eclipsed by the wonder of having him. And what special joy awaits you in heaven!!

Bless you, sweet woman. Bless you for being such a wonderful, loving mother. And for sharing your story.

Lacy Key said...

You are a strong and beautiful woman for sharing your story. I too lost a baby but mine was due to placental abruption I was on bed rest the entire time. Delivery at 21w5d My sweet baby Landon only weighed 15oz. I miss him everyday its seems like just yesterday that he went to heaven but we have now 5years into life without him.
Stay stong. We will both see our babies someday!

Sheri said...

Thank you for sharing!

Philip, Melissa, & Summer said...

Thank you for sharing this post. I also had my son Scott two years ago. He was born with anencephaly and also would not live long. It was such an incredible experience and I will cherish it forever. I have done the same as you with his stuff. I take it out from time to time and smell it all. I had my grandpa custom build a shadow box and I too have not used it yet. I really should get it finished so I can see his things everyday.

Noah's shadow box looks really nice, and I am sure you enjoy having it. Thanks again for sharing your story.

Melissa
www.harveyhuggle.blogspot.com

Kristina P. said...

Amanda, this is beautiful.

Nina Diane said...

~bloggy hugs~ to you....

other-option said...

This post brought tears to my eyes - you are a strong woman to have lived through that. Your kids sound like they were an amazing support and source of strength for you throughout - and of course always remember your kids are a reflection of you, so they learnt all those qualities from you.
- Danielle
other-option AT hotmail DOT com

Jenny said...

What an awesome sister I have!! I love you dearly!!

Kristin (kekis) said...

The shadow box for Noah is absolutely beautiful. We all have a story of some kind (some more painful than others), and it's not one that we have printed on a t-shirt. It is the story which we carry in the part of our heart it owns. I appreciate you sharing that part of your heart.

Laura @ Ms Smartie Pants said...

Thank you for sharing your heart! Blessing on all of you! I'm wiping the tears away and going to give my kids a hug right now!!!!

M.O.T.B said...

I can't and don't want to imagine this BUT as a mommy I can empathize, completely and totally and I can admire your obvious strength. The shadow box is an incredible way to remember God's gift.

Rachel Phelan said...

Thank you for sharing this. This brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my second and can't imagine losing him. It takes a lot of courage and strength to be ready to put up that shadow box. That's so wonderful you did it and especially for your children. I know that you will be able to see Noah again and what a beautiful reunion that will be! God bless. :)

Ayelet said...

Thank you for sharing. I lost my son, Max, last year at 18 weeks and I think about him every day. What a beautiful shadow box you made for Noah. I'm thinking of you and Noah today.

Mel Tales said...

What a sweet post! You brought tears to my eyes! What a sweet way to remember Noah! I am praying for you today!
Love, Melanie

Holly said...

Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You are a courageous lady!

Kevin, Erin and Jude said...

Thank you for posting your beautiful story. It gives me strength to hear that other people go through hard things too. I haven't had to bear that awful burden of losing a child, so I can't imagine what you have and are still and will continue to go through. Your story made me sob and helped me realize that if you went through such a hard experience and came out better for it, then I can do the same. Thank you for your courage and inspiring thoughts. And you will be with your son again, and he'll be waiting with open arms to greet his wonderful mommy. Thank you again.

geek details said...

You're amazing Amanda :) Thanks for sharing your story. the box is just lovely

Yany said...

It looks beautiful. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.

MelindaB said...

what an awesome and beautiful way to remember and honor him. Very moving and touching.

horse loving lineman's wife said...

OMG, you are an amazing person, and you have a wonderful looking family, all five kids!! I will def. say an extra prayer for you and yours tonight. What a touching, awsome story.

Laurie - Little Blue Chairs said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It is very touching. I love the shadowbox.

Tracey said...

What a precious gift your family received in Noah Christopher.

The shadowbox turned out beautifully!

Amy said...

I was blogsurfing and your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost a little boy at 33 weeks, ourselves. Our then 2.5 year old did the same for me as your boys did for you. She is now almost 6 and talks about him frequently. I love your shadowbox. It's beautiful and what a great way to honor his life and the way he has touched yours. :-)

Jennifer said...

your shadowbox is beautiful! Lots of love and hugs!
~Jennifer

Our Cottage Blessings said...

Precious!!! Many blessings to you and yours...thank you for sharing...I found your blog by accident and I am so glad that I did...truly touching!

sallypaper said...

Thank you for sharing this special time and your child with us. I am lucky to have found and read your blog today. Blessings, Sally

Candace@craftysisters-nc said...

Thank you for sharing. Your display box is beautiful.

Dawn said...

You know, it takes something to bear your soul and this was raw, poingent and beautiful. Every day I strive to be more thankful for my life and those in it. You made me succeed today. Thank you.

Angie said...

Thank you for being so open and sharing Noah and his story with us. Now we all know him!

Paula said...

Such a beautiful post. I had my own Noah...her name was Elaine. It was way back in 1974 and I have none of those mementos of her. They just didn't handle it that way then. You are so blessed to have this beautiful shadow box to remember your son forever. Thanks for sharing

Ang said...

Very sweet post, Amanda. Thanks for sharing. Love you!

吳婷婷 said...

人生是故事的創造與遺忘。............................................................

Steph @ Flip Flop Chic said...

I gave you an award on my blog today! Stop by and check it out when you get a chance. :)

melissa * 320 Sycamore said...

The box is beautiful and now I'm crying and this all makes me love you even more. Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart and your little Noah with us.

All Things Cherish said...

Such a bittersweet post! Hugs!

Cara @ Whimsy Smitten said...

Thank you for sharing your truth, your pain, and especially the beauty that shines through what must have been a really rough part of your story. <3

Tillie said...

thank you for sharing...huge hugs i know this had to be difficult. *huge hugs*

Rhiannon said...

your story brought a tear to my eye, a mother can understand. It also warms my heart with hope and courage. Thanks for sharing. God Bless

tessie said...

Thank you for sharing. We never know what heartaches people bear each day. Bless all of you.

Heather L. said...

Amanda, I am crying right now reading your story. I absolutely love your shadow box - it is a beautiful memento of your beautiful son. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Staci said...

Oh, Amanda... I am late in catching up on posts tonight but had to stop and comment to you. Thank you so much for sharing sweet Noah with us. What a beautiful legacy you have created for him and for your family. I know he was and is truly a blessing to your family.

The tears came easy as I read this. I myself had 3 losses before my first child was born. The loss of a child at any point is devastating. I can't say I have been there in the exact way you have, but I am familiar with the pain. You have found a way to turn that into something beautiful. Seems in many ways, that is your calling... Turning the not so lovely things into things of beauty.

Many hugs to you!!

Jen @ tatertotsandjello.com said...

Oh Amanda!

I missed this post yesterday. Thank you for sharing such a personal, and deep part of your heart with us.

One of my really good friends had a baby with this same condition in May. He was about the same gestation as your little one. It was so hard to see her go through the pain, but so many good things came out of his short life too. I wish I could give you a hug.

XOXO
Jen

Ali said...

Oh gosh. Big lump in throat. Now I'm crying. Very sweet post. There's nothing you can say to ease the loss of a babe. I'm so glad you have the shadowbox to preserve the memory & share w/ the siblings. Families are forever.xo

Harlene said...

Thank you!

Lindsay said...

What a sweet box of memories. Noah is a very loved little boy. Love you lots girl.

Karyn said...

Wow that is beautiful. What a testament of the faith and love in your family. And the shadow box is just perfect - a beautiful way to honor Noah.

To The Moon and Back said...

Amanda, thank you for sharing such a special and touching story. It was hard to hold back the tears. Maybe one day I will also find the courage to go through the memorabilia I have hiding in my closet. God Bless.

Mad Sewing Love said...

Wow...how beautiful & precious. My lil' girl was born with Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). She is now 7 yrs old. Thank you for sharing your story.

Princess Danell said...

My sister just sent me a link to this post. Very sweet. I gasped outloud when I read Trisomy 18. We had a similar experience about 6 years ago. Bitter sweet is the only way to describe losing a child. Stop by to read my post if you have time and tissue. http://princessdanell.blogspot.com/2008/12/happy-birthday.html
Hugs from another mom,
Princess Danell

ABCollins said...

Amanda,
I admire you for so many reasons! I lost my first at 26 1/2 weeks. She too was so perfect and beautiful. I didn't find out until my second pregnancy that I have an incompetent cervix. I've been blessed with another little girl who is know 5 months old. I have all of Kiarra's things in a little box that I look at every time I leave my house. I love your idea of the shadow box. I'm so very grateful for the plan of salvation and that we can be together one day. My cousin Dany sent me this quote that I read a lot. I'm not sure if you've heard it or read it somewhere, but I thought I'd share it with you.....
"The Lord takes away many, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again." -Joseph Smith
Thank you for sharing your story!

Ashley

HERchaoticlife said...

Just found your blog today through a link on Pinterest. I love this post. I, too, have a shadow box containing the precious memories of my daughter, Anna Sue. We lost her in my 8th month of pregnancy to Trisomy 18. As I was doing some research about it, I found this poem
"God never promised us days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain. But He did promise us strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."

Danka Doo said...

I just found your blog and came across this posting. I am so glad you were able to share. I good friend's daughter had Trisomy 13 and was only on this earth a few days. I am so glad you were able to put the momentos in the shadow box, quite beautifully I add, to celebrate his life. God bless

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